After AdZU announced last Friday that student loans would be given out to Ateneans who need to “buy an iced coffee or whatever,” some students are worried that their scholarships may get cut. The admin remains mum.
Donnalyn (not her real name) is a third-year BS Accountancy student, clinging onto her academic scholarship for dear life. Eyebags heavy, she claims to speak for all scholars in an exclusive interview with the BEACON.
“Look, I’m not saying Starbucks is bad,” she says, clearly envious that she cannot buy a venti iced coffee. “I’m just asking if this is the kind of message we want to give out. First, we had Aquaflasks, and now this Starbucks thing. This is just superficial stuff!”
Admin officials have expressed dismay with the apparent paranoia members of the student body have stoked. In an official statement, the Office of Very Wise Financial Decisions wrote:
“This is a sound and wise decision, made in the spirit of Magis and Social Involvement. How can we, as Ateneans, immerse ourselves among the most vulnerable if we cannot understand their plight? Obviously, we must have a taste of their culture – a Caramel Macchiato.”
This is a very persuasive argument for the Ateneo community – indeed, small-time influencers on Instagram or Twitter are the most discriminated against community on campus. The BEACON interviewed Alex (again, not her real name) on the pain influencers like her have experienced.
Teary-eyed, Alex told the BEACON, “Humility, kindness, and better judgement – I think these are Ignatian values, for real.” She added, “I thank God that He has given me the strength to see through all the hate they throw at a conyo girl.”
When asked for her opinion on the recently-opened Starbucks, Alex smiled her most cake-eating grin. “I still remember my first Starbucks order. The barista discovered a new way for me to spell my name – ‘Eileks’ – It’s such a unique name. My followers loved it!”
Not everyone is happy, however, because someone just had to spoil the fun. Scholars have banded together to appeal to the AdZU administration to “protect” their “right” to “accessible education.” For students like Donnalyn, this seemed like the only way to be heard.
Do not worry, though, scholars! We stand by you, and we are totally not taking Insta-worthy pictures of the Starbucks cup Alex left on set. We completely, thoroughly, so powerfully stand against inequality. This sentiment is echoed by officers of El Consejo Atenista.
In an ambush interview, just as they hide a suspicious green logo paper bag, our dear ECA President gave a quick word on this pressing issue:
“Oh, yeah, totally. The Consejo stands firm in our support of any and all scholars. We think it’s, uh, very horrible that we are even discussing this.” The interviewers notice a brown stain on the student leader’s shirt. “This is just a part of our new student uniform,” he says, proudly showing off what seems to be a coffee stain. “This is not a coffee stain, no more questions.”
On an unrelated note, the College Admissions and Aid Office has refused to give comment. Unverified sources claim they were spotted waiting in a queue at Starbucks. Regardless, admin officials assure the BEACON that they are in conversation with student concerns.
Just imagine if Ateneo didn’t listen to its students, right?
